Atlanta: Year One
August 12, 2017 will forever be a defining day in my journey.
This is the day that I drove up to Bruce & Cinda's (wonderful people who, by the way, had never met me and invited me to stay in their home), with my big dreams, my supportive parents, and everything I owned packed up in the back of a little U-Haul.
To my surprise, my friends had already beat me there and were ready with big hugs (and strong arms), ready to unpack my life out of this truck.
In a lot of ways, it felt like starting over. There was so much room for possibility and opportunity, but also with the sadness that comes from leaving behind a cherished season, and close friends and family. I was leaving a stable career, a savings account, wonderful friends, and the ability for my family to be a short drive away. That reality was heavy, though was coupled with a new confidence in Jesus, the opportunity for dependence in Him, and the courage it took to finally (after literal years of debate) pursue an acting career.
“The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.”
I remember staring up at the celling, praying to the Lord for guidance, encouragement, direction-- ANYTHING. Doubt crept in and was relentless. Was I ready to live the rest of my life like this? I was 27-years old, living in someone's house, working as a waitress (I got promoted, yay!) and my savings account was gone, and my credit card bill was increasing. What have I done?
I'll tell you something. I still have this conversation with God about once a week. The good news is, it lessens in it's length, and His voice is more comforting because my heart is in a better position to receive it. It's been a beautiful journey of trust this past year, not even with acting, but also all aspects of my life-- friends, family, marriage, dreams, finances, etc.
I never stopped auditioning. I stopped waiting around for my agent to send me stuff and I'd submit myself to projects every day. I remember getting an email that said "You have a CMAIL message waiting for you!" (For those of you who don't know, actors use an online submission website for self-taped auditions, and this message, is a WONDERFUL sign; meaning: audition request, callback, or BOOKING!)
I GOT A JOB! ON AN ACTUAL TELEVISION SHOW. WITH ACTUAL LINES.
I was THRILLED! I didn't care that it was only $135/day. It was in Tennessee (no travel paid), and they were feeding us a meal, I got a hotel room, and I had three lines! THREE WHOLE LINES! I was over-the-moon.
On November 2nd, I took the trip up to Knoxville, Tennessee, and felt like I was living the dream. I checked into my hotel room, and read over my lines and the scene a million times. Which, is particularly funny, considering they were "Ahhhh!" "Please don't kill me." and "No! No! Please, please don't hurt me." Whatever-- I had a character! Carol Jones had a story. She had a life, with dreams, and a family! She was about to be abducted when she thought she was just running to the grocery store for some late night snacks!
I am so thankful for the experience, the professionalism on the set, and the wonderful cast and crew I met. We stayed up through the night filming, and I was sad to go home. Everyone was so supportive of each other, and interested in putting together their best work.
Plus, the amount of friends and family members who sent me messages, pictures of their televisions with my face on it, and calls of congratulations was so encouraging. I don't deserve the amount of support I receive, and there's so much more I should do to show my gratitude. You are all a testimony of God's love, especially when Doubt tries to haunt me.
This is just the beginning.
This is the foundation;
I pray it is a solid one.
A story that's only possible because of Jesus.
A couple cool acting things too, which I am super grateful for:
- Being a stand-in and a photo double for the first time.
- Booking roles on a few short films, AND COMING SOON, a feature film role too!
- Joining TWO new acting classes, and was recently approached by my teacher to move up to the next leveled class.
- Discovering a group of wonderfully talented creatives who also love Jesus-- the conversations we've had about the industry, glorifying God, and working with excellence, have been down-right inspiring.
- Receiving coaching from Dave Pileggi to be set up for success in the industry, as well as discovering my personal 'why', and creating my life's mission statement.
- Auditioning for, and being selected for TWO actor's showcases in Atlanta.
I'll leave you with this, my active mission statement. I might tweak it, or change it as God directs. But, whenever I'm asked why I chose this life. Or even if one day, I decide to leave acting and go towards something else, the why will still be true. Because this is who God has called me to be:
I am created by God, as a bright, shining light, overflowing with joy. I inspire, encourage, and love others. I change lives, through His wisdom and power, by being my authentic self. I have full victory, as one deeply rooted in Christ. I give hope and bring others together, to Life that is abundant and full.
And now, I will be resubmitting to those same agents I did last year, for the third time in a year. This time, with more training, credits, and focus, as well as a lot more prayer.
We'll see what happens. No matter that, He is good.
Within a few weeks, I had a new job-- a busser and host at a Mexican restaurant, because CHIPS AND SALSA. I immediately submitted to all the major talent agents in Atlanta. I submitted for any extra work, just to get a feel for the #setlife, and got myself into an On-Camera class. Though I tried to remain realistic, knowing full well that an acting career doesn't show up overnight. I made goals, and set out to achieve them.
And then, the crickets.
Nothing was happening.
I had done all the things: updated my resumes, made business cards, started classes, met other actors and people "in the industry". I even auditioned for two big talent agents at a workshop, who made some promising comments on my work, but then upon submitting to them, heard NOTHING.
Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of fun doing extra work and meeting other fellow actors. Plus, getting up close with the stars of the Marvel movies, the cast of Tag and Walking Dead, and even being chosen to be a "featured extra" in an upcoming movie, was an absolute JOY. I love being on set. I love the energy. I love the craft. I love seeing a group of people, from actor to production assistant, from director to sound guys, come together to create a story. It is inspirational to this day! But at the time, my mindset was not so much an attitude of gratitude (cut me some slack, I was an elementary school teacher), but very much 'okay, this is fun, so now when do I get a line or something, please?"
This is literally the only picture I have from my day on set of "Homicide Hunter". I was just so excited to be there and be part of it all, I didn't even think to capture any of it.
“There is a certain resolve a person must have to persist at something that seems intangible at times.”
There were a lot of fun and meaningful, non-acting moments too, which, makes my life so much richer. I had the privilege of watching UCF win the Chick-fil-a Bowl, to complete their season as undefeated CHAMPIONS, thanks to my wonderful friends who bought my ticket. I had countless guests at my restaurant write encouraging notes on their receipts when they asked about my story. I reconnected with many of my squadmates from the World Race. Ate a million donuts on my 28th birthday with Stephanie. And now have the pleasure of living with Abi and Malory.
"Birthday Cruise 2018" finally happened, after actual years of dreaming, talking, and planning, with Erica, Sarah, and LJ. I changed a flat tire by myself. I proved to the world that Tom Hanks could be my actor-father. My sister and I attended the Kingdom Classic together, and hung out all weekend in Orlando for some bonding, and even got to stay with Stephanie and Cooper. I chopped off my hair and donated it, and to this day still regret that decision (no one ever let me do this again, seriously). I enjoyed a family vacation in Hilton Head, where my dad, with great hesitation, was forced into my Instagram story for "Animal Planet Live!"
I got a new waitressing job. Finally, convinced Brad to tell me he's coming to visit the city I live in before he comes, instead of after. I enjoyed watching the DCI championships, but will never tell him that.
And I say all this, not with a bragadocious heart, but as a reminder to myself of two things:
1. Life is not about my acting career.
2. Just because my life doesn't look like a "typical 28-year old with a college degree", doesn't mean I've failed, it's wrong, or that I am in lack. I am far from it. I have been richly blessed by my Heavenly Father, and He holds me close to Him.
And the life that God plans is the one that I want.